he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
