we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
