I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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