sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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