Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
