you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
