your parents love me but you hate me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
