I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
