Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
