The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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