I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
