everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
