I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
