Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
