she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
