So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
