Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
