Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
