you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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