i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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