I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
should my penis look like a turkey
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
