id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
