He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
