When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
