Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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