Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
