so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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