the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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