Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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