It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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