you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
