did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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