good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
