Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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