I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's Friday. Sex?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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