Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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