Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
