Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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