when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
