Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
