Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The air taste purple.
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