I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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