I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
