i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
