i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
