You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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