Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
