We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
