Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This baby is an asshole
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
