there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
