i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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