You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
