I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
